235. The Art of “Relationshipping” with Lani Nelson-Zlupko

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Dr. Lani Nelson-Zlupko, executive coach and psychotherapist, discusses the difference between relationships and “relation-shipping”, sharing insights on effective communication, emotional intelligence, and the importance of accountability in relationships to build meaningful connections.

“Relationship is a noun, but ‘relationshipping’ is a verb and it takes a lot of agency and some skill.”

“You have to know what you want.”

“Pause is power.”

Episode summary |

In this episode of the ROG Return on Generosity podcast, executive coach and psychotherapist Dr. Lani Nelson-Zlupko describes the difference between relationships and “relationshipping”, sharing insights on effective communication, emotional intelligence, and the importance of accountability in relationships to build meaningful connections. She introduces the MOVE method as a practical framework for navigating difficult conversations, emphasizing the value of self-awareness, understanding needs, and negotiating with empathy. The episode highlights key concepts like relationship hygiene, rehearsing communication strategies, and “losing well” as essential tools for personal and professional growth. Together, Lani and Shannon discuss common barriers to effective relationshipping and connection—including ego, fear, and pride—and offer actionable strategies for improving interpersonal dynamics and achieving deeper, more authentic relationships.

R.O.G. Takeaway Tips |

Relationships require agency and active engagement.
Relationship is a noun, but relationshipping is a verb.
Understanding what you want is crucial in relationships.
Pause is a powerful tool in communication.
Navigating needs involves accountability and clarity.
The MOVE method helps in effective communication.
Rehearsing conversations can lead to better outcomes.
Expect defensiveness in interpersonal interactions.
Losing well is part of maintaining relationships.
Positivity is essential in healthy relationships.
Collaboration is key to resolving conflicts.
Navigating difficult conversations requires calmness and clarity.
Understanding negotiation dynamics is crucial before engaging in discussions.
Time is essential for changing relationship dynamics and habits.
Apologies are vital for repairing relationships and require accountability.
Healthy relationships are built on reciprocity and mutual contribution.
Effective communication of needs is key to relationship satisfaction.
Overcoming stagnation in relationships involves addressing fears and barriers.
Identifying barriers like pride and ego can help in personal growth.
Maintaining relationship hygiene involves positivity and curiosity.
A small change can lead to significant progress in relationships.

Chapters |

00:00 Introduction to Dr. Lani Nelson-Zlupko

01:50 The Importance of Relationships

04:28 Understanding “Relation-shipping” as a Verb

07:08 Navigating Needs and Accountability in Relationships

09:46 The MOVE Method: A Framework for Effective Communication

16:45 Rehearsing Conversations for Better Outcomes

20:59 The Value of Losing Well in Relationships

26:53 Persisting Through Defensive Reactions

30:40 Navigating Difficult Conversations

32:29 Understanding Negotiation Dynamics

33:58 The Importance of Time in Relationships

35:22 The Art of Apology

38:09 Building Healthy Relationships

40:16 Reciprocity in Relationships

42:21 Communicating Needs Effectively

45:01 Overcoming Stagnation in Relationships

46:20 Identifying Barriers to Progress

49:42 Maintaining Relationship Hygiene

53:25 Rapid Fire Insights

Guest Bio |

Dr. Lani Nelson-Zlupko is an executive coach and psychotherapist with over 25 years of success bringing skills for change management and human resilience to clients and companies around the world. Lani excels in understanding human behavior. She studies why people get stuck and how they move forward.

Dr. Nelson’s data-driven strategies enable people to elevate the best in themselves and elicit the best in others, with a keen eye to the very real psychological, interpersonal and institutional challenges they must navigate. Her tools for human motivation, collaboration, coping, resilience, accountability, and cohesion have empowered individuals, families, teams, and companies to move forward.

Lani earned her bachelor’s degree from Harvard and her master’s and doctorate degrees from the University of Pennsylvania School for Social Policy and Practice. She served as adjunct faculty at the University of Pennsylvania for over twenty-five years, is published in leading scientific journals, is a TEDx speaker and Fortune 500 keynote presenter.